Sturm Haus

son shine

First I have to get this off my chest -- IT'S SNOWING AGAIN -- 3-6" by tomorrow morning. I really want to run away from home. Really.

I just came upstairs to check on his Otto-ness before tucking myself in. When I first walked into his room and looked at his bed, he didn't seem to be there. Hmm... I patted the blankets and looked harder and finally realized he was curled up between his pillow and the head of the bed, snuggled in so tight I couldn't see him at first. I straightened him out, got him covered with blankets, made sure he had a Puppy at hand. Can't imagine that was comfortable...

This afternoon I did a story time for his class, since March is Reading Month and they asked for parent volunteers. I stole some ideas from my youth services librarian and did a "silly" storytime. I read silly books like My Friend is Sad and Green Eggs and Ham, and we did a silly version of Head/Shoulders/Knees/Toes, and finished off by listening and dancing to The Goldfish by Laurie Berkner (about some very silly fish). My audience was very attentive and appreciative, with the slight exception of my own son. Either he's a lot more fidgety at school during story time than at home, or he's heard my act too many times before to be impressed. He seemed OK with me being there -- sort of 3 going on 13 as far as being embarrassed by his mom.

He wasn't about to let me leave him there for dad to pick up, so we piled into my car and headed west to the library. "Mama's liberry," as Otto calls it. At day care he pointed out the window and said "the library is way over that way," and darned if he wasn't pointing the right direction (fyi, any sense of direction he has comes from his father). We listened to music on the drive, and he pointed out all the barns and cows and other interesting things he sees in the country. He seems to enjoy everything about going to work with me, from the commute to the library itself. There are toys and computers for him to play with, let alone books. My staff and patrons talk to him, asking him his name and his age and what he thinks about things, and he's learning to respond. It's a nice environment for him to explore so long as I can get a little work done and he's not too disruptive. Tonight he was pretty good, didn't try to ride the elevator alone or anything like that.

Our book group tonight discussed The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. The author's husband died suddenly one night at the dinner table (massive heart attack), and this book is about the year following his death and her experience with grief. A good book, but probably not a great thing for me to think about right now... you know, what with 2nd baby on the way, husband traveling a lot for work, hormones running rampant...

All I can say is, I'm glad the week's about over.

charmer

Lately Otto wants me to climb into bed with him after stories are done.

Last night I went in to say good night, and he patted the mattress by him and said "here mama, please 'nuggle with me?"

It would take a much tougher mom than me to turn an invitation like that.

hop hop hop, hippity hop

We had a lovely day.

Went to church, where we met up with my mom. Otto sat nicely through the whole service and paid lots of attention to the music. We had trumpets and a guitar along with our usual wonderful piano accompaniment, which kept him interested. I think he was also feeling ever so slightly feverish - he kept insisting I hold him and looked a little flushed. Still, he was well-behaved and happy. I was a host today, meaning I stood at the front to help with communion. Managed not to trip or anything, though I did accidentally fling a piece of bread on the floor (it was a little stiff and hard to pull apart today). No harm done.

We came home via Whole Foods, ate a little lunch, and then I started work on dinner.

First I made dessert -- Lemon Pudding Cakes -- and put them out in the refrigerator for their mandatory chill time. I bake mine in the coffee cups that came with my Fiestaware. Gives them a purpose, and keeps me from having to buy (and store) ramekins. Plus they look cute.

Then I put the ham in the oven after pouring over a little Coke and pineapple. Had to try it. It sounds good in theory, doesn't it? At the very least it's an excuse to have a 2L of Coke in the back of the refrigerator. For emergencies.

After that I put together Scalloped Potatoes. Mmm... cheesy carby goodness. These are to die for.

And last but not least I assembled a nice salad that Mom brought of greens, diced pear, toasted walnuts and dried cranberries. Yum.

It was all very very delicious. I used a tablecloth and put out cloth napkins, with a pitcher of ice water and a bread basket and butter on a pretty plate. It was so nice to have a grown-up dinner. Everything turned out well, though I can't say the ham really needed to be doused in Coke and pineapple. It still tasted good.

Otto ate a lot of sourdough. He had one bite of ham, smuggled into his mouth by Dad on the back of a bite of bread. He seemed fine with it but refused to try a piece of ham alone. I keep telling myself that someday he'll eat real food. If it's a delusion, then it's a helpful one.

The baby thought dinner was great. She started kicking after getting a bite of ham. Salt! Yum!

Mom's working in Jackson for the next few months, which is going to be a huge help. It's fun to have her nearby for days like today, and she's willing to help me with the baby to-do list, which is growing ever longer. It'll also be wonderful to have her as backup when Jon starts traveling again in a couple of weeks. I really do work odd hours, often working late, and when he's gone it really messes with my job. She's going to cover for him a few nights next month, keeping me sane and making Otto happy. Yay!

Otto continues to do well - I'm sure his little fever spike this morning was related to another flu bug, nothing to do with his incision healing. Tonight we read a couple of his hospital books, so I think he's still processing what happened. He's not bothered by his dressing or the bruising, though a little ibuprofen at bedtime helps him sleep, and is otherwise back to his normal happy train-playing self.

Tomorrow we're back to the regular routine... I'm hoping I don't get too much grief about going to school again. After we saw Horton last week Otto thought we'd be seeing movies every afternoon. He tried talking his dad into it, at least. Real life is bound to seem disappointing after that!

Here he is, the surginaut extraordinaire, hanging out in the pre-op area. Cool as a cucumber, completely calm. He greeted a number of nurses/anesthesia staff/doctors and let them listen to his heart and take his blood pressure without protest. And in between he looked at his book and played with his puppies. Oh, and after he took his "happy juice" he got even more mellow. I half expected him to ask for some Pringles and a Coke to counteract the munchies.

I realized after we got there that he was wearing his navy PJs with the bulldog on the shirt, and I was wearing my navy Drake bulldog sweatshirt. I do this unintentional matching thing pretty often, to my chagrin. His doc noticed and said "how about our Drake boys, huh?" I like it when you have something to talk about with the doc other than whatever surgery/procedure/exam you're in for. So he got points for recognizing my alma mater and knowing the men's b-ball team is on a tear this year.

Don't underestimate Drake in NCAA tourney

Go Bulldogs!   

follow-up

Otto did beautifully. We checked in at 6:30 and were released to go home at 10. Not bad...

Thankfully, O's old enough now to get a little "happy juice" in the pre-op room. The nurse came over and said "I'm going to give him something to help him relax. He's going to act a little drunk, so don't let him walk around and make sure he doesn't fall out of bed."

Jon and I looked at each other, slightly alarmed by the idea, but 15 minutes later we were laughing. Otto is charming when under the influence, so to speak. He sat back in his gurney and blew bubbles, became entranced by the sound of his own heartbeat when the anesthesiologist let him have a listen, and was entirely untroubled by his surgeon drawing a smiley face on his hip. When the nurses came in to wheel him away he was so "relaxed" that he didn't make a peep.

The operation went well. I think the recovery room is the hardest part, but we did OK there, too. He chugged some apple juice, we used a few blankets from the warmer (best invention ever), and pretty soon it was time to get out of there.

Now we're home, and he hasn't settled yet for a nap. He has good pain meds to keep him comfortable and had enough appetite to eat some lunch, so he's feeling pretty spry.

Best thing about recovery instructions? No tub baths for a week, no shower for 3 days. He and Jon are both going to enjoy the vacation from regular bathing.

D-Day

We head to the hospital verrrry early tomorrow morning for Otto's surgery.

He and Elmo have been practicing breathing into a "mask" (a small Rubbermaid bowl) and have read Curious George Goes to the Hospital and Gaspard In The Hospital, which let us discuss surgical masks and beds on wheels and related fun topics. I'm a little worried he's expecting a thrilling gurney race down the hall, but at least he has some idea what will happen.

I think it's been enough to prepare him without, hopefully, freaking him out. We'll see.

We're keeping him home until Monday, just to make sure he doesn't leap off any play equipment for a few days. He should be feeling OK by Thursday, so hopefully he'll be able to enjoy his extra time at home with mom and dad at hand to pour juice or offer a cheese stick.

I know the worst part for me will be the moment they wheel him back -- I can't stay with him until he goes to sleep, so I have to hand him off to the anesthesiologist and watch him be carried back to surgery. Last time, we both cried.

Puppy will stay with him, though, through the whole thing. And I'll be in the recovery room before he fully wakes up. If all goes the way I expect it to, we'll be home in time for lunch.

things I bought at Target that I didn't exactly need but wanted anyway

Twizzlers (for me)


Easter M&Ms (for the boys, they're M&M addicts)
 

Baby clothes (for Pork Chop - just the onesie and the pants, so sweet)
 
Ice cream sandwiches (ahem - for me)
 
And, last but not least, a book (I know, you're shocked)
 

In other words, I saw my midwife yesterday and things are good. I've gained 6 pounds in 24 weeks, which is where I need to be. I have 16 weeks to gain about 10 more pounds - again, it's where I need to be considering my beginning weight and all. So I'm doing fine, and a few Twizzlers and a couple of ice cream sandwiches won't break the bank.

The baby's doing well, too. She kicked at the Doppler yesterday while we were listening to her heartbeat - kaboom! It made the midwife jump. I just laughed, since this kid kicks all.the.TIME. I hope I can find a good soccer league for her when the day comes.

On the way home I stopped for diapers and wandered Target a bit, as I usually do, and spent a few minutes perusing the baby aisles. Dwell has some really cute bedding at Target right now, but I hadn't looked seriously at it because it all seemed to be pink or blue. Then, yesterday, I saw this:
 
This photo isn't exactly awe-inspiring, I know. It looks better in real life. But I love the colors - yellow, red, brown, and my favorite acid/spring green. It's the Circles line, and I'm thinking it's a pretty good contender for the nursery scheme. The dots and stripes are airy and soft, I think they'd mix well with other prints. It's not too girly (I'm sure we'll still have lots of pink in there) but it's not too boyish. I don't know... I just like it. I think it would look nice with yellow walls and a red dresser and pink clothes and blankets lying around.

Jon just looked at the baby clothes when I brought them home. He didn't touch them, but he did admit they're a pink he can live with. I don't think the baby's very real to him yet, despite our Doomsday Clock (we set up a Google widget for our home pages that tells us how many months/weeks/days to the due date). Soon I'll be able to snuggle up in bed and have Pork Chop kick him in the back -- heh. I bet she'll seem more real then.

room ideas

Well, it is snowing YET AGAIN today... so I'm going to try and brighten things up a bit by posting a few ideas for the baby's room.

We'll be reusing our beautiful crib, handy changing table, and red chiffarobe. I've been thinking about replacing/upgrading the rocker, but Jon really likes it -- it's big enough for him to scoot down and put his head back and nap, helpful at 3am. And it's big enough to hold 2 children in your lap at story time.

Yikes! Two kids to read stories to!

Anyway. We're thinking we'll move the rocker back into the baby's room, too.

So, with all the furniture looking the same, how do we make the new baby's room different?

I'm thinking first, we paint it cheerful yellow. I'm picking Benjamin Moore colors here (a designer friend got me hooked, and I love their Eco Spec line).
Yellow Rain Coat

There are paler versions of this -- I might get a couple of sample jars and try them on the walls, see what I like best. But the bedroom faces east, like Otto's, and can take some real color, so I also might just go for it. And I want to paint the ceiling pale blue...

I love this print, sold by cathynichols at Etsy:

She has a number of other prints that would be pretty over the changing table or dresser. This print is sweet but not too girly, and has a teeny bit of that Swedish thing going for it, in my mind.

Then I'm looking for a red/white print fabric for a crib skirt, curtains, maybe new covers for the rocker cushions. This one is on my list at the moment (again, from Etsy, this by ofpaperandthread):

But I'm also still looking - I think a smaller pattern might be nice, too. Maybe have this on the chair, and something different for the crib skirt and window. Hmm...

I keep seeing this idea here and there -- in DIY magazines, at Pottery Barn -- and I love it. Find old collector's shelves (sort of like this) and paint them soft colors (variations on the room's theme). Then group a few over the changing table for toys, etc. I'm also going to hang one down low, by the window, and put soft little toys in it for the baby to grab herself. Must go garage saleing and check out the St Vinny DePaul store to find the shelves. I might even have one in the basement to get me started.

I'm thinking about getting crib sheets at Company Kids this time around. I might try a solid color instead of a print, though I suspect prints do a better job of hiding stains. And instead of traditional bumpers, I'm looking at these new-fangled mesh crib bumpers. Not as cute, but supposed to be safer. I'm wondering if a breathable bumper would be more comfortable in summer, too. Anything to help the child sleep...

Whatever we name the baby, I think she'll need one of these wonderful initial pillows from Yvestown:

If nothing else it might entertain her brother, who is singing the ABCs very confidently these days.

Last but not least, I'm getting myself one of these:

A Keep Calm and Carry On poster. Deep breath! Chin up! And soldier on through those diapers!

None of this, however, can happen until we've reorganized everyone's closets (really), moved the bookcases down to the basement (sob), and figured out where the new home office will go (living room?). But we will get there, hopefully within the next 4 months.

sick too much

I was home sick yesterday with a fever. I hate having fevers. I'm really tired of being sick, of Otto being sick, and of being in the doctor's office every week for one condition or the other. Last night I felt so bad that I went to bed instead of watching the Project Runway finale, and for me, that's pretty dire. It's like I've given up. Nothing in life can make me happy! Not even Runway! I will never be well again!!!

I'm better today. Mostly. One of our day care mom friends was sick this week too, and she said "it just makes me fall further behind, which makes it hard to keep up, which makes me sick again." Amen.

Otto's been a pill this week about several things, like getting up in the morning, taking his bath in the evening, eating anything for supper... I'm not sure if it's a reaction to Jon being gone the last couple of weeks and having to go back to the regular routine, or if there's something wrong again at school.

Yesterday when we got home, though, he saw our neighbor shoveling and decided he needed to help. He climbed out of the car and said "I get my shovel!", grabbed it, and headed out onto the drive. I got a shovel too and started clearing the walk, just to keep him company, and 5 minutes later he took off to go say hi to our neighbor and ask, "why are you shoveling?" She laughed. "Not for fun," she said.

Then he came back to our drive and grabbed a big (clean) hunk of snow to taste. In between bites he observed with amazement, "it's sunny out!" It is pretty amazing to have daylight at 6pm, I agree. He's really going to be wowed after the clocks spring forward this weekend.

I suppose it's good that at least one of us is still enjoying the snow.

ps

Today we had an ultrasound at the maternal-fetal medicine office, followed by a consult with a very nice specialist. My alpha-fetoprotein count was a bit high this time, meaning we're at slightly higher risk of having a baby with some sort of neural tube defect (ie: spina bifida). My midwife reassured me that anything major would've shown up on our ultrasound the other week, that since it didn't (and since I never stopped taking my folic acid supplement after Otto) I shouldn't lose any sleep, then referred me along for follow-up testing just to be sure.

The ultrasound looked good, and the doc said that cuts the odds of having a problem by more than half. We turned down an amnio, a decision he approved of, and left feeling pretty chipper. My Advanced Maternal Age has its drawbacks, one of which is higher risk for some things. But everything looked good today and by the way this baby's kicking me I'm sure everything's fine.

We got an even better look at the little one this time. I'll try to scan a couple of images tomorrow -- they turned out much clearer at this appointment. The tech spent a lot of time carefully looking at everything. It's amazing what they can see (she pointed out the baby's stomach, and we got to see the heart pumping away).

Oh, and yeah - I was right - it's a girl!

Jon went back to work and told his buddy, who pumped his fist in the air and said "Yes!" then promptly threatened to have her date his boy. Jon is playing it cool and saying that's OK, which his friend finds hard to believe. I have a feeling Jon's in for a lot of teasing in the coming months.

I spent the evening entertaining myself by asking Otto to pronounce a variety of potential names. The ones that made him spit applesauce across the table are probably off the list.

There's a blog I like to read that's written by a young couple who live in Detroit. They have a little girl about Otto's age, and recently had a baby boy. Despite that, their lives are about as different from ours as possible. They're urban, we're suburban. Dad stays home as the primary child care person and writes and does other interesting things, we're boring two-job day care parents with commutes. Which is why I like to read their stories -- escape from my every day life. And, usually, to appreciate the fact that I mostly like life where we are.

A few months ago, preparing for the birth of their second child, they toured the hospital they were planning to use. The experience was so bad that the mom left in tears, and the dad's description of how he was treated (everything the nurses did seemed to assume he was abusive and she needed protection, meaning he was shunted off to the side during the birth process) made me sad. So I emailed them, told them about my midwife practice and the hospital they use, which has a birthing center as well as the traditional labor and delivery unit. The mom had heard about both the group and the hospital from some friends, too, and decided to switch.

They recently had their baby at the birth center and everything went well. It's made me realize, though, what I'm going to be missing this time around. As a VBAC (if I go that way) I'll be considered high risk, so no birth center for me. No hot tub or comforting shower. No queen-size bed, where Jon can lie next to me and hold me while I push. Instead of a short, quiet hall with 5 rooms, I'll be in the traditional LDR area with its big nurses desk, in a hospital bed with a heplock and constant monitoring. A midwife should be there, and I'll be able to get up and move. But I'm worried. Or maybe a better word would be scared.

And I'm trying to talk myself out of it, because it's silly to worry about it. Either I'll be a successful VBAC or I'll have another c-section -- either way there's a baby. My midwife and I have talked about setting limits for laboring this time, and I know I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. If I get there and say, "cut me!" that's OK. But that sort of reasoning also misses the point somehow. Having babies is hard work, but I don't want to end up more patient than mom this time.

It's so silly to worry about the way you become a mom, because it really doesn't matter. I know that. All I really want is for things to go well (whatever that means) so we can get out of there in record time and come home.

But evidently there's a hormone-addled corner of my brain still insisting we can do this the "right" way and do better than we did last time.

There's another corner of my brain, too -- the corner sitting up and saying "hey! Regular LDR? We can get an epidural there! And really, what's a hot tub worth when you can get drugs?"

That corner of my brain needs a megaphone.